We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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