Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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