You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
