Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
