I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
