dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish I only lived at night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
