One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
