I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
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