Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
