I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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