she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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