Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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