If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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