i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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