there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
