i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
