The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
