She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
