Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When are your genitals available?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
