well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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