I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
