Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
