what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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