1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
