First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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