So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
