yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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