this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
