so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
