I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
