You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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