Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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