I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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