i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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