U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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