Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
