I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
