we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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