these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
