If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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