i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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