It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
