can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
