you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
