its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
