the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
