hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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