At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's get the cat blown out
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
