It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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