You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
