Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
