Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
