Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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