I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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