I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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