my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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