He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
