I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
