exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
