like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
