You can't motorboat a personality
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
